Monday Night Football...Cards and Mike Martz vs the 49ers.

Normally a Monday Night Football game featuring the Cards and Niners would not interest me in the least...and last night was no exception, so I got caught up on The Shield via my DVR. (Still one of the greatest inventions that mankind has ever seen) However, once the trials and tribulations of Vic Mackey were through, there were still around 6-1/2 minutes left in the football game. Just the right amount of time to stomach the teams that were playing.

There were two things that I was actually looking forward to seeing during the last minutes of what turned out to be a decent game.

• Would Mike Singletary shank a substandard player on the sidelines with the business end of a sharpened toothbrush?
• How would Sean Hill fare in a starting role in primetime?

Sean is from the same sprawling Metropolis that I grew up in...beautiful Parsons, Kansas...so it's nice to see a small town boy get a shot on a stage this big. Overall, I thought he had a decent night, but I thought some grave injustices were put on him towards the end of that game.

Granted, those interceptions really put the Niners in a tough spot...and while the shovel pass was ill-advised at best, had Frank Gore not turned his back at the last second, it probably would have picked up yards.

Fast forward to the 49er's getting the ball on the Cardinal's 42 yard line with a little over a minute left in the game, down by five points with no time outs...Hill completes three fantastic passes in a row to cover 41 yards in less than 30 seconds. After spiking the ball on 1st down, it looks like the Niners will have three shots at the end zone from point blank range. Again, let me remind you...NO TIME OUTS.

Let's take a break here to examine how a forward pass works in professional football -

Any forward pass becomes incomplete and ball is dead if: (a) Pass hits the ground or goes out of bounds. (b) Pass hits the goal post or the crossbar of either team. This results in a stoppage of the game clock.

This means that the Niner's could try two pass plays into the end zone, and more than likely, still have time on the clock for a final 4th down attept to win the game should both pass plays end in an incomplete pass. HOWEVER...Mike Martz, the offensive (Definition: 1. upsetting, insulting, or irritating: causing anger, resentment, or moral outrage) coordinator for the 49er's calls a RUN PLAY to Frank Gore. Not only is it a stupid play call in general...he calls a run play from a tight formation!..9 linemen, 1 quarterback, 1 running back...and puts a tight end in motion to point out to the defense which side of the line they will be attempting to run to! This allows the Cards to pack everyone up nice and close to the line to ensure that Gore goes down for a yard and a half loss.

Side note...the Bears run the ball from this formation FAR too often...with similar results.

So after taking far too long to get in position to waste another play spiking the ball, the refs blow the whistle to check the replay so they can confirm that Frank Gore went down at the hands of the Cardinals defense and not his own players...which is possible since the Niners line was responsible for causing a fumble by Sean Hill earlier in the game. Replay checked...Gore touched...4 seconds left...and the clock starts on the placing of the ball. Niners have had a decent amount of time to get a play called. Ball placed, whistle blown, ball snapped and RAN INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE TIGHT FORMATION (again, the Bears do this way too often) LINE BY MICHAEL ROBINSON. That's right, Michael Robinson...a guy who has averaged 6.4 yards PER GAME for his career...a guy who hasn't seen the end zone since 2006...a guy who had touched the ball 2 times Monday night. The official scorers gave him a one yard gain on the play, but there were so many Cardinal defenders stacked up against him that I think I saw him finally hit the ground around the ten yard line. Game Over...Cards win by 5.

If Mike Singletary sent Vernon Davis to the showers early and bared his ass to the team in his first game vs. Seattle, I can only imagine what kind of prison yard debauchery was in store for Mike Martz following the absolutely mindless play calling that occured in the final 30 seconds of the game. And if Singletary isn't going to do it...Sean Hill should. He was basically given three plays to pick up one yard and make up for any turnovers he made on the evening...and then had that opportunity taken away from him.

In other news, the Bears run the ball from a tight formation wayyyyy too much, and there are only three episodes of The Shield left.

SERIOUSLY???!

In the douchiest news of the day....

WASHINGTON – In a record bailout of a private company, the government on Monday provided a new $150 billion financial-rescue package to troubled insurance giant American International Group, including $40 billion for partial ownership.
The action, announced by the Federal Reserve and the Treasury Department, was taken as it became increasingly clear that an original financial lifeline thrown to AIG in September would be insufficient to stabilize the teetering company. All told, the moves boost aid to the company to more than $150 billion. Fed officials, however, expressed confidence that the money would be repaid to taxpayers.
The $40 billion infusion comes from the recently enacted $700 billion financial bailout package. The government is buying preferred shares of AIG stock, giving taxpayers an ownership stake in the company. In turn, restrictions will be placed on executive compensation at the firm.
As part of the new arrangement, the Federal Reserve is reducing a $85 billion loan it had made available to AIG to $60 billion. The Fed also is replacing a separate $37.8 billion loan to the insurance company with a $52.5 billion aid package.
The actions were needed to "keep the company strong and facilitate its ability to complete its restructuring process successfully," the Federal Reserve said.
And that would be good for the fragile U.S. economy, said White House press secretary Dana Perino.
The new package "will allow AIG to continue to restructure themselves in a way that will not hurt the overall economy. AIG is a large, interconnected firm," she said.
If the company were to fail, it would wreak havoc on the country's already ailing economic health, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke determined back in September when the government first moved to help AIG, Perino said.
Shares of AIG added 32 cents, or 15.2 percent, to $2.43 in early-afternoon trading. The company's stock has traded between $1.25 and $62.30 in the past year.
It marked the first time money from the $700 billion bailout package Congress enacted last month has gone to any company other than a bank.
Struggling U.S. auto companies — General Motors Corp., Ford Motor Co. and Chrysler — have been pressing the government for more financial assistance. The money would be on top of the $25 billion in loans that Congress passed in September to help retool auto plants to build more fuel-efficient vehicles.

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I officially hate AIG...in fact I hate anyone with the letters AIG in their names...so all you Craig's out there can eat a fat one.

Meanwhile, Circuit City is filing for Bankruptcy...what the fuck? AIG don't sell no Playstations! How can a company that sells Playstations not get helped out, but a bunch of douchy douchersons get BILLIONS of dollars on a weekly basis?

On a side note...of much more importance...

This was genius.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/207897/

The BS gets deeper...my very first Executive Douchebag Award goes to...

American International Group Inc., the giant insurance company bailed out by the government to the tune of $85 billion last month, is getting another $37.8 billion loan.
The Federal Reserve said the second loan is needed as part of the central bank’s broader strategy for keeping in check a rapidly spreading global credit crisis.
Under the new program, the New York Federal Reserve Bank will borrow $37.8 billion in investment-grade, fixed-income securities from certain insurance subsidiaries of AIG in return for the cash loan.
The first $85 billion was provided to AIG through a line of credit with the Fed. According to Fed data, AIG has already burned through $60 billion of that money.
The new loan will allow AIG to replenish its liquidity, the Fed said.
AIG, formerly the world’s biggest insurer, came under fire earlier this week for holding a lavish retreat at an expensive beachside spa despite teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. At Congressional hearings held Tuesday, company officials were harshly criticized for apparently using taxpayer dollars for the conference.
AIG officials said the conference was planned months before the company accepted government money.

Seriously???!!! This is their excuse for dropping over $400,000 on a weekend executive retreat?! Maybe this could be one of the reasons your company was teetering on bankrucptcy in the first place! I know of no other business, when faced with bankruptcy that would still have the balls to plan an executive junket that will cost the company more than the vast majority of the families in America pull down in a year's time.

Here's a hint...should you have another one scheduled, you may want to call the spa and let them know you might not make it...yeah, yeah, I know there's a $250 deposit you won't get back...let it go...order in some pizzas and beer for the team and call it a night...okay, maybe one or two hookers, but that's as far as I go...they're harder to hide on an expense form.

Barack Obama hit the nail on the head during the last debate with this nugget...“I tell you what. Treasury should demand that money back, and those executives should be fired.”

Nope...not only did they not demand money back, they are funneling more into the sinking ship known as AIG.

So congratulations Robert Willumstad, you took over AIG on June 15th and have rocketed up the ladder of douchebaggedness to claim the inaugural award all for yourself.

Runner up...Securities and Exchange chairman Christopher Cox, who is responsible for approving the money being dumped into AIG.

Second runner up...Ron Turner. I just flat out don't like his play calling this year.

First things first

Okay, so I know the blog is called "Clay Calls BS." And I know that would typically mean that you'd tune in to read the hysterical ramblings of a recluse that sits in their basement night after night, pounding out their frustrations on the ol' keyboard. But that's just not how this first post is going to present itself.

This first post is about one of the greatest gifts that television has bestowed on us in the last 4 years...It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

First and foremost, FX is one of the greatest channels you're going to find on basic cable by far. Not only does "FX has the movies" (I swear, every time I see that commercial, I can't get that damn song out of my head for around two hours.), but FX has some phenomenal original programming. I started tuning in back in the day when I found out a girl I went to high school with was playing a hooker on a new series called "The Shield." The Shield turned into THE show that I had to watch week after week just to see what they would do next. From there, I tuned into -

• Lucky - an awesome comedy that was out about a year too soon. Had this come out AFTER poker was made a legitimate sport by ESPN, I'm convinced it would still be on the air. Side note to this...Billy Gardell is very funny in this, very funny as a stand up comic, and a very nice guy in person.
• Nip/Tuck - The first few seasons were amazing. After the whole "Carver" season, I tuned out, it just got a little weird for me when the baby had lobster hands and Sean's wife started fooling around with the angry dwarf writer from Elf.
• Rescue Me - Dennis Leary is a genius. And Sheila is just plain sexy...nuff said.

That brings me to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. From episode 1, I knew I had finally found something irreverent enough to fill the void that Seinfeld left in my life years ago. If Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer got 1 year in prison for their deeds against humanity, Dennis, Mac, Sweet Dee, and Charlie are looking at 15 years to life. The fact that they were able to convince Danny DeVito to join the cast after only 7 episodes in season 1 speaks volumes about this show. Just the episode titles alone should convince you that this show is worth tuning into...episodes like The Gang Gets Racist, Charlie Wants an Abortion, Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom, Charlie Got Molested, and Sweet Dee's Dating A Retarded Person just beg to be watched. What's that? Is this show quotable?? Hmmm...let me think....

• "Because I cut the brakes! Wildcard, Baby! Yeeeeehaaaaa!
• "I'm gonna eat your babies, bitch!"
• "Asians Love Gambling."
• "I will punch your face into a jelly!"
• "I'm good. Go get us some slaves."
• "Is one crack rock enough?"
• "I don't think getting Charlie laid is going to help his cancer problem."
• "There's a dick in those pants! I'll be right back."

Okay...if that's not enough to prove that if you're not watching this show, there is something wrong with you, I don't know what I can possibly do to prove my point...and moreover, I don't think I should have to. All the episodes dating back to season 1 can be found on Hulu...just click on the first mention of Sunny above and set aside a day of your life to get caught up. That way, the next time we're talking and I yell "Green Man!" then hit you in the face with a volleyball...you'll know what I'm talking about.

Until then...if you're not watching, I'm calling BS on you.

Ta